Drama Contents

CONTENTS

(Keith is a suave man of the world who hides his good looks and huge intelligence well. He enters stage left bearing a huge stack of printed pages. Mark, a deeply troubled yet carefree young man enters stage right humming a very well known, yet strangely unfamiliar tune. He is carrying an exquisite cover for a book. They meet at a desk, centre stage, on which they place their burdens. They both sit, get up from the floor, find chairs and sit again, this time successfully. Mark begins to scratch himself discretely below table level. Keith speaks.....)

Keith: I thought we should begin with the INTRODUCTION

Keith: We'll then put on THE TRUE TROUSERS

Keith: Blast we've forgotten to acknowledge Basil with an ACKNOWLEDGMENT

Keith: I reckon this title here‘s too long YOU COULD ALWAYS DO THE "EQUAL SHMEQUAL" COURSE!

Keith: Now Domestic Violence is an important topic? DON'T THANK ME. I CARE

Keith: How do you feel about this one called MATES

Keith: Here's, THE MX 17236

Keith: You know, I'd love to be there when ROMONA MEETS MABEL

Keith: Where do you want INCOGNITO

Keith: I just can't believe it, CHRISTMAS PLAY - IT'S A DARE

Keith: Why in the world is there so much SUFFERIN?

Keith: Now here's a good question WHY ARE YOU BUILDING A DOG?

Keith: If only I knew HOW TO DEAL WITH BULLIES

Keith: Ummm SORRY I'M LATE

Keith: I'm not talking about you when I say, I AM HE

Keith: It may sound like I'm bragging, but I'M A SHEPHERD. A GOOD ONE!

Keith: Have you ever read "LOVE - DOIN' IT" BY CLINT EASTWOOD?

Keith: Now this one sounds boringly different, LABELS

Keith: Now I'll only say this once CAREFUL. YOU'LL TEAR HIM

Keith: This is going to be difficult.... I ADMIRE YOUR CLEVERNESS

Keith: You know, I always have trouble SEEING BLIND BART

Keith: Anyone for Five Hundred? SHUFFLIN' CARDS

Keith: For the second time I don't want to brag, but I HAD A VERY BIG ONE... PROBABLY

Keith: I've gone to the shop AND TO MY GOOD MATE TED

Keith: Ummm I LIKE A WOMAN

Keith: Why is this one there if it's EXACTLY THE SAME?

Keith: I'll be back in a moment. I just remembered I HAVEN'T CLEANED THE OVEN

Keith: Well give it a title if it's PRESENTLY UNTITLED

Keith: Here, but DON'T BE FRIGHTENED, IT'S ONLY A TORCH

Keith: Aww isn't he cute? IT'S THE BIRTH OF "DA BOSS"

Keith: Stand back it's DA BOSS

Keith: Why can't they speak proper? DE RULES

Keith: Hold up your hands. Look at that! DA FILTHY TEN

Keith: Can I go? PLEASE BOSS

Keith: Steady on, you're A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY WITH THE BOSS

Keith: (Quietly) Do you think we could have a SERIOUS BIT?

Mark: No way! .......... Did I just say that?

Keith: Yes Mark

Mark: Thank God, I thought I'd gone dumb!

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